It’s now been 6 months since my initial injury, and with subsequent problems popping up, we look to enter the new year with a referral to a specialist.
The AC joint is playing up again. There are constant aches, peppered with stabbing and stinging pains. The upper trap has refused to calm down, which could be an indicator that it’s still trying to baby the joint and activate early.
The whole shoulder area, expanding out to my spine, neck, and bicep, constantly has one odd thing or another playing up in addition to the actual pain felt through the AC joint.
Oh, and did I mention the scar tissue.
On top of all of this, because it can never be simple, is my fear to get back on the pole. This thing I once loved has become something I’m afraid of.
I know that the only way to conquer fear is to face what scares you. I should be doing my recommended 10 minutes on my good days to remind my shoulder (and myself) what we’re doing and working back to. But when I wake up in the morning and go for a stretch and remember the pain, I think about how I could possibly hang off a pole.
And of course this directly impacts my mood. My grouchiness. I see updates in the pole community and feel removed from it. I see new moves being obtained and training being attended that I can’t. I want to unfollow everything. I want to hide under my blankets and pretend I’m not even a part of the world.
But I can’t. If I don’t stay involved, knowing me, my chances of going back to this incredible thing that makes (made) me so happy is nil. Zilch. Zip. Nada.